"No one will miss me", "I’m better off dead"
When I worked at a non-profit that handled suicide prevention, I had access to the donation records. Each month, a specific man donated 15$ to our organization. It was like clockwork.. same day, same man, he had been doing this for over 4 years. It always seemed odd to me but I never questioned it… until I saw a note attached one month. "For Noah- Dad"
his donation was once his child’s allowance.
I can promise you, they would miss you for the rest of their lives.
watching other people live (a filtered version of) their lives isn’t going to make you any more satisfied with yours
not watching them will not me make me any more satisfied either.
- Dr. Bigelow: So you took a chance on being happy, even though you knew that later on you would be sad.
- Louie: Yeah.
- B: And now… you’re sad.
- L: Yeah.
- B: So… what’s the problem?
- L: I’m too sad…. Look, I liked the feeling of being in love with her. I liked it. But now she’s gone and I miss her and it sucks. And I didn’t think it was going to be this bad, and I feel like, why even be happy if it’s just going to lead to this, you know? It wasn’t worth it.
- B: You know, misery is wasted on the miserable.
- L: What?
- B: You know, I’m not entirely sure what your name is, but you are a classic idiot. You think spending time with her, kissing her, having fun with her, you think that’s what it was all about? That was love?
- L: Yeah.
- B: THIS is love. Missing her, because she’s gone. Wanting to die…. You’re so lucky. You’re like a walking poem. Would you rather be some kind of a fantasy? Some kind of a Disney ride? Is that what you want? Don’t you see? This is the good part. This is what you’ve been digging for all this time. Now you finally have it in your hand, this sweet nugget of love, sweet, sad love, and you want to throw it away. You’ve got it all wrong.
- L: I thought this was the bad part.
- B: No! The bad part is when you forget her, when you don’t care about her, when you don’t care about anything. The bad part is coming, so enjoy the heartbreak while you can, for God’s sakes. Pick up the dog poop, would you please? Lucky sonofabitch. I haven’t had my heart broken since Marilyn walked out on me, since I was 35 years old. What I would give to have that feeling again…. You know, I’m not really sure what your name is, but you may be the single most boring person I have ever met. No offense. Give me my dog. Come here. You…. Don’t fall down.
They say that passionate love never lasts
And now every time I look at people on the street, I always wonder who breaks their heart.
For someone like me who always want to please everyone, getting misunderstood is the worst. I want you to like me for what I am and not hate me for what I’m not.